Friday, April 20, 2012

Fertility Goddesses and the infertile pagan

After 6 years of trying for a baby with my ex husband, I figured I was infertile. We split and he got another girl pregnant asap so that rather confirmed it.

Now, this isn't extraordinary by any means in today's society. Where this hits home is that like a lot of women, I've always wanted a child. As most pagans have noticed, most of the Goddesses have the mother componant. The triple Goddess, maid then Mother then Crone. So what happens to a woman that goes from maid to the next stage if she's not a mother? Does she become a Crone?? And if you aren't able to have a child, does that diminish your ability to follow a fertility goddess?

To be honest though, despite the heartache over what feels like a failure and the devistation that your life isn't going to be blessed with a child, a part of me was relieved. Did I really want to have diapers, babysitters, toys everywhere, etc?

Up until now, my life hasn't really been kid friendly. Late nights, some partying, and to be fair, I like to spend my money on me. Often on the most frivolous things! lol.

So after all that I'm considering looking into my fertility options. Having the tests done and eggs checked, etc. It's daunting and scary but I think I'm finally ready to know for sure what's going on.

I've also started looking at adoption. Where I live, you need to be at your job for a year before you can go on Adoption Maternity leave and I've only just started here. I have at least a year before I want to take the leap but it's definitely one of the leading options.

Have you dealt with these issues? How has it impacted you? Has it changed the way you feel about your deity?