Sunday, October 9, 2011

Pagan in a small town

I've been in my new small town for a week and 2 things have really surprised me:

1) I'm alone in the pagan community out here.
That is to say, there is no pagan community here. It's deeply Christian and anything else is ignored. Even Halloween isn't really celebrated which makes me sad since it's my favorite holiday. This year I may not have a Samhain celebration. This makes me so sad.

2) I don't feel the connection to the God and Goddess out here.
Yup, I feel alone. No spiritual connection and doubt that there even is a God and Goddess. That thought is so foreign to me that I'm depressed. It could be that my magical supplies are out on the other side of town in a storage unit or that I'm deeply closeted here. Either way, it's crushing.

As for #2 it could also coincide with my view of the "ideal" life. When I watch TV or think of "perfect" lives they involve happily married monogomous couples with financial success and comfort, but they ALWAYS seem to be deeply Christian based lives. If I want to get married again and find a great man to have a monogomous marriage with and all the bells and whistles, do I need to change my faith? Is the belief in "Christ" a requirement to a happy life in the Prairies? It would certainly make things easier but is it worth it?

Things aren't happening here as fast as I'd hoped and I'm getting discouraged. Part of me is doubting if moving here was the right choice. I'm sure that I'm just experiencing doubt and fear but I don't know if my faith is enough to withstand these times.

I'm going to see if I can celebrate my holiday and enjoy it. And I will continue to ask the Goddess to bless me and help me get work and a place to live. In the meantime, this Pretty Pagan is feeling a bit like Lonely boy.

Blessed Be

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